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Ghostsly Crafts With
The Ocean Shores Pirate

It's Halloween! It's Halloween! It's time for scares! It's time for screams!

And it's time, once again, to make a Halloween-themed crafts project with none other than The Ocean Shores Pirate!

Hey there, Ocean Shores Pirate. Haven't seen you since last year. How is everything going?

Arr, matey. Things be goin' well enough considerin' that the last time ye saw me, I were so drunk as to be hallucinatin' an alcoholic squid and a mangy dog.

That's right. That was pretty funny.

Arr, it done seemed funny at the time, all right. But when ye wake up at one o'clock in the afternoon in a gutter, and ye don't know where ye be, let alone where yer eyepatch went off to, ye start lookin' at yer priorities in life, y'know?

Wow, OCP, are you turning over a new leaf?

Arr, a new leaf indeed, matey... so long as yon leaf be havin' bottle of rotgut booze underneath it! Lyin' in that thar gutter made me realize just how important the sweet, sweet taste o' the devil's spirits be! I be drunk off me arse right this very moment, arr!

Oh, I see. Well, try to keep up.

Aye, matey, I be keepin' up! I be keepin me liver so full up o' hooch that it be the size of three melons what been sewn end-to-end!

Well, let's start by making an adorable ghost garland.

Ghosts! Nay, lad. 'Tis enough that I be always hearin' ghosts in me head. I need not be makin' more by me hands!

What you'll need for this project:

  • White paper, preferably card stock
  • Scissors
  • A Sharpie marker
  • A hole punch or sharp pokey object

Aye, like the back end o' me sword! I had me sword's hilt sharpened to a fine point! Sure, it be harder to hold, and more 'n likely when I reach fer it, the hilt ends up pokin' through me hand. But it be worth it! *Hic*

  • String, yarn, sewing thread, fishing twine, or whatever
  • Tape

Now you just need to fold a piece of paper in half or in quarters, depending on how big you want your ghosts to be.

My ghosts be small enough to fit in me ears and addle me brain, yet large enough so as when they be breathin' it comes out me armpits.

Now drawn on a ghost design. You can go with a Pac-Man style ghost or a ghost with arms and a whispy tail, or whatever ghost you want. I went with a Pac-Man style ghost.

Once they're cut out, take your sharpie marker and draw an amusing or scary face on each ghost. Mix it up so they're not all the same!

Draw me face on 'em and I'll send ye a special Halloween surprise in the mail... a curse as old as the sea and as wet as me crotch!

If you want, you can save a template, reduce/enlarge it to the side you want, and print it out on your paper. Just click a ghost below:

Cute, aren't they? Now take your hole punch and punch a hole at the top of each ghost. String your stringing material thorugh the hole and knot it off, spacing out the ghosts to your liking.

I likes me ghosts t'be spaced out enough so that when I be vomitin' up me illegal rum, it goes in between their scurvy-yet-etherial feet.

Once you have your ghosts strung in a line, just hang them up wherever you want! I hung mine in the doorway to the kitchen.

Arr, and I done hanged mine by the yard-arm. Arr... I don't even be knowin' what a yard-arm be.

And there you have it! They're so cute as to be unbelievable.

Let's see how you did, Ocean Shores Pirate.

Arr, here be me own ghostly Halloween garland:

Ocean Shores Pirate, I'm really beginnign to worry about you. Back in 2002 you were coherent enough to where you could teach a Dancin' Mummy and a Fat Devil what Wears a Skeleton Costume how to carve pumpkins. Right now you're so infatuated with alcohol that you're making garland in its image. What's going on?

Arr... ye be right, matey. Many apologies for me recent behavior, but...

What is it? You can tell me.

I, uh, it be rather embarrassing.

That's okay. We're all friends here. Come on over here Mas y Menos, Mummy, Farkus "Bulk" Bulkmeier & Eugene "Skull" Skullovitch, Totoro, and Darth Vader. We all like and care about the Ocean Shores Pirate, right?

"That's right, Chris!"

Eugene Skullovitch: "Ocean Shores Pirate, you're a valued friend to all of us. You don't need drink to validate yourself any more than Farkus Bulkmeier here needs a wingless Goldar to live in his garage."

OCP: Arr... do ye mean it?

Farkus Bulkmeier: "Of course he does. That guy was an asshole. He kept eating my soap. My soap!"

Mas: "Su cabeza aparece ser una papa muy fea. Pienso todavía que usted es un pirata excelente."

Menos: "Sí, y sus pendientes le hacen parece alegre."

Darth Vader: "C'mon, OCP. No matter what's wrong you can tell us.

Mummy: "I'll make you some tea."

Darth Vader: "How about a comfortable backrub?"


Arr, ye fellows be the best. All right. I'll tell ye. It started around Christmastime o' 2002. I were sailin' the high sees, mindin' me own business, when all o' a sudden tha Queen o' England herself came swoopin' down on batlike leather wings and pinched me right out o' me ship!

Much to my surprise, tha Queen done taken me to a hidden grotto high in yon mountains, where she done left me naught but quail eggs to eat and naught else but rum to drink.

I only saw Queeny one more time, when she done dropped of Mr. Ron Popeil into me oasis. And ye can be sure that he didn't have his fancy-pants food dehydrator with him! Arr! So fed up were I that I killed Ron Popeil and tore off his skin in one long strip, that I used to make me escape by climbin' down the mountainside.

But I had drunk so much o' the rum that me brain was fair addled by the time I returned t'the civilized world.

Wow, Ocean Shores Pirate, is that true?

Nay, o' course not! Ron Popeil be alive and well so far as I be knowin'. I just got meself into a drinkin' game where a man put a cursed quarter on me forehead and told me to hit the back o' me head until the quarter fell off. Then I had to take that many draughts o' the rum. How were I s'posed to know that he'd taken off the quarter!? I hit me head 243 times and had 243 drinks o' rum. I haven't had naught to drink since that night almost three years ago—the hooch still be full strong in me blood!

Me doctor said my blood-alcohol level were 99.9%. It'll be another year or so before I be sober again.

Well, I think we all learned something today, didn't we? This sure turned out to be a very special episode of crafting with Ocean Shores Pirate! Hope your ghosties are as cute as can be.

Arr, and I be hopin' that yer kneecap stay wherein it's supposed to stay, unlike mine, what done run off with a female postal worker who be showerin' it with fancy gifts right now! Come back, kneecap! Arr!

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